Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
