Moan for me like Helen Keller
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How external is "for external use only"?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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