do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
