It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize