i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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