I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
