Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize