I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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