Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
