This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize