I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
