i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
