i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
