I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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