apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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