piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I puked a lego.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
