Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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