Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
