Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
