I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
