okay pat passed out under dana's car
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize