I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you never un-have a 4some
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
