these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
