yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
