you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
