So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
