Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sponge bath it is.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
