so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
