My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is Oprah even human
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
