My liver just broke up with me...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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