Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
