So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
