What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
