so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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