At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
