Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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