Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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