Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize