The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
