I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
