worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
