he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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