FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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