Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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