Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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