so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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