bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
