i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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