And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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