dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
