Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
