I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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