Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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