He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
