I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its not stalking. its research.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize