I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
