then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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