No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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