I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
