They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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