Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
