Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
