Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
